Survivor South Pacific - October 26/11

It's night 16 and Upolu is returning from Tribal Council having just sent Mikhayla to Redemption Island. If there is one thing that the entire tribe agrees on it is that Brandon is a liability, as evidenced by his outburst at Tribal Council. The next morning we are promptly whisked off to the duel between Christina and Mikhayla. The two women must disassemble a crate and use the planks in a specific sequence to build a small bridge. Once the bridge is built and they have crossed it they take specific planks from the bridge and use them to assemble a puzzle. Once again Christine wins the duel...her fifth consecutive win. In the process she sends both Mikhayla and our own Selina home. After observing Christine at the duel Ozzie begins to hatch a plot. It is quite obvious that Christine will not be sympathetic to Savaii if she returns to the game. Perhaps Savaii needs to send someone to Redemption Island who can beat Christine and return to bolster their numbers in the expected merge. Back at camp Ozzie bounces the idea off Cochran who is in favour of any plan that will keep him in the game longer. Meanwhile the Upololites are having a revival meeting. Coach is having a chat with God on the beach telling him repeatedly that he (Coach) is unworthy. Brandon is still excited about finding the idol so Coach (who has the idol) leads a prayer asking God to help them find the idol and to lead them to victory. Coach and Sophie then head off into the jungle where they come across tree mail announcing the next challenge. They also make a stop to pick up the idol. Coach returns to camp rejoicing that he has "found" the idol and Brandon believes that God has very directly answered their prayer. Sophie admits to feeling a little squeamish when she hears Coach praying for the idol when he already has it in his keeping. The aforementioned tree mail tells the Survivors to pair up and to dress and paint their faces like twins. This is significant because their reward is a chance to go off to a jungle cinema to watch Adam Sandler's new movie, Jack and Jill (who are twins). To win the trip to the movie along with assorted candy, popcorn and hotdogs, two pairs from each tribe must be blindfolded. Guided by the third non-blindfolded pair they must travel along a rope, through an obstacle course and collect several masks suspended in bags along the course. At the end they must assemble all of the masks in matching pairs using only their sense of touch. The challenge is pretty close but as Ozzie and Whitney head out for the last mask they become tangled in their rope. As a result Savaii falls behind and loses to Upolu. So while Coach and his Upolu tribe head off to watch the movie, Savaii returns to camp led by a very angry Ozzie. It was Cochran who miscued on the rope and every finger on the tribe is pointing at him. Bizarrely they are encouraging to Cochran, telling him that he can defeat Christine and that this is his chance to redeem himself. Ozzie's plan to go to Redemption Island seems to be put aside. But the next morning Ozzie tells the tribe that he dreamed about giving someone the idol and going to Redemption Island. He returned to the game, he says, for Redemption and this will be his chance. Of course there is no argument from Cochran but Ozzie's other tribe mates are less thrilled about his plan. After all, the merge may not happen right away and they may have to do another challenge without Ozzie. No one really questions that Christine might beat Ozzie in the duel. All concerns revolve around the timing of the merge. Cochran's emotions are up and down like toilet seat. He is safe, then he isn't, then he is safe again...maybe. In the end though the tribe cooperates and votes for Ozzie sending him to Redemption Island to do battle with Christine. Ozzie gives Cochran the idol for safe keeping, asking him to give it back when he returns to the tribe. So Ozzie and his alter ego Donna skip off (literally) to Redemption Island where Ozzie believes he may be making the biggest move ever in Survivor history. Will Christine be able to hold off another assault...this time from the mighty Ozzie? If Ozzie returns, will Cochran give him the idol back? Oooooh the tension. Stay tuned next week for these answers and more. Until then... Outwit, Outplay, Outlast Pat (aka Christine bring 'em on Markoski)

Survivor South Pacific - October 19/11

It's night 14 and we are using the night camera to peek in on Ozzie and company after the blindside to Elyse. "Blindsides are funny", Ozzie tells the group, "because they tell you where people are". I don't think Ozzie means that blindsides are haha funny though, because he is pretty pissed. He looks like an idiot, he tells us. To the group, he declares that he is now a free agent and is going to be playing with himself....uh...for himself...FOR himself. In his anger Ozzie tells the group that he has the immunity idol, a revelations that raises brows all around the campfire. The next morning Ozzie is still being angry. He waves a fish at the camera and tells us that if the tribe wants to eat and win challenges they will have to be honest with him. Ozzie's tribe, meanwhile, is less than impressed. They think Ozzie should apologize, man-up and stop being so childish. Cochran is happy. He figures Ozzie's behaviour is taking the spotlight off him. At Upolu, Brandon decides he needs to find the clue to the immunity idol, supposedly hidden near camp. On impulse he explores the base of an odd looking tree and there it is! He takes the clue to Coach and Albert and suggests that they all three begin looking for the idol. Off goes Brandon, tromping through the brush - a man on a mission. Coach, of course already has the idol. He and Brandon have agreed to play the game like Christian men but Coach considers the withholding of information as a bit of a gray area. As they watch Brandon scour the beach like a Roughrider looking for a touchdown, they decide it's best not to tell him. He is too emotional, Albert tells Coach. Meanwhile Coach is watching Brandon and having nasty flashbacks of Brandon's uncle Russell...even in the way Brandon walks. A helpful cameraman superimposes Uncle Russel on Brandon's beach so that we too can see the resemblance. Next we head over to Redemption Island for the duel between Christine and Elyse. When Rick shouts encouragement to Christine she flips him the bird. Christine goes on to win the challenge which is a game of Survivor shuffleboard. This sends Elyse home, taking Jeff with her. Adieu Jeff! Christine has spent most of the game on Redemption Island but Rick and Sophie seem surprised that she is bitter. She would flip in a hurry, Rick concludes. Yeah, it took Christine no time at all to flip you the bird Rick! As we head back to the Upolu and Savaii camps, we see Edna cozying up to Coach to reconsolidate her position in the alliance. She tells Coach that she is ready to follow him into battle "even if it gets ugly". At Savaii, Ozzie is apologizing to his team. He made a mistake after Tribal Council and shouldn't have revealed that he has the idol. Day 16 brings the Immunity Challenge. Three members of each tribe must construct a wheelbarrow and maneuvre it through an obstacle course, stopping along the way to collect two wheelbarrows full of coconuts. When all of the coconuts have been collected and dumped in a bin, the second three members of the tribe must disassemble the wheelbarrow and use the parts to make a sling shot. They then use the sling to shoot coconuts at targets. The first tribe to hit 6 targets will win reward (a picnic lunch at a natural rock waterslide and a clue to the idol). Savaii gets off to a shaky start. The mighty Ozzie has trouble getting the wheelbarrow through the maze and getting the coconuts dumped. But when they get to the target shooting part of the challenge, Savaii begins to close the gap and, in the end, wins the challenge. Savaii goes off for some fun (and food) in the sun while a crestfallen Coach takes his flock back to camp. Upolu is split on who should be going home. Coach is adamant that Edna should stay because she will do what she is told and will be loyal. Mikhayla, on the other hand insisted on using the slingshot with one hand at the challenge and wouldn't take direction from Coach. Brandon wants to vote for Edna but has promised her he won't vote her off. He won't be swayed by Albert who is trying to swing the vote Edna's way. Albert thinks Edna is a strategic player and may not be as loyal as she appears. It comes down to Cowboy Rick's vote. This situation, Rick tells us privately, sucks. If he votes for Edna he will p off Coach and if he votes for Mikhayla he will p off Albert. Either way he will have a big 'ole target on his back. At Tribal Council Brandon makes a speech about loyalty and how, if they are going to play a disloyal game, they can send him home. But Brandon never made the short list tonight. When Dimples tabulates the votes it is Mikhayla (and Selina) who are heading over to Redemption Island to bunk in with Christine. Until next week Outwit, Outplay, Outlast Pat (aka Christine solitude sucks Markoski)

Survivor South Pacific October 12/11

Ok, I think I am getting all these people figured out. And just for the record, I can't not look at Ozzie. He looks like he should be in a painting of the last supper. But I digress.

We join our intrepid band of Survivors just as Stacy arrives at Redemption Island. Christine is happy to see Stacy because they are friends (I only know that because Lynn told me - in my reality Christine has had no life outside of Redemption Island). I digress again. Stacy tells Christine that she is going to tell the other tribe that Coach is running the show at Camp Upolu. True to her word, the observers haven't even got their seats warmed up when Stacy starts to tell them what's what. "Benjamin" (she refuses to call him Coach) is running the show, Albert is his right hand man and Sophie is the third member of the team. Dawn and Whitney listen intently while Albert and Mikhayla squirm. This is exactly what they hoped wouldn't happen.

The duel involves Stacy and Christine catching balls as they roll out of a wire chute. They replace each ball in the chute as they catch it and more balls are added periodically. Christine plays with a strategy and, despite a couple of near misses, she goes on to win the challenge. Sadly, this means that Stacy and our own Lynn must burn their buffs and head home.

When Albert and Mikhayla return to camp and tell Coach what Stacy said, he is incensed. His day is ruined, he tells us. Now he will be a natural target at the merge. Albert comes across the clue for the hidden immunity idol. It suggests that he search in a tree near the beach. Albert has no luck on his own (though we did get some nice shots of him walking around in his snug microfibre underwear. OK I don't actually know they were microfibre. I am just imagining). Albert shows the clue to Sophie and Coach. Coach has a little talk with God, then goes on to find the idol himself. Now the previously depressed Coach is happy again. He is not quite but almost in total control.

But I have been neglecting the Savaiians. Brandon has another cry when he relives his emotions from Tribal Council the night before. Cochran is growing more annoyed with Ozzie and Elyse by the minute. They sleep half the day and don't work hard enough. Cochran tells us that Ozzie has become a middle aged lazy ass who only has one or two moments of greatness a day. In spite of this Cochran swallows his fears and goes out fishing with Ozzie, hoping to bond with him.

This brings us to the Immunity Challenge. This was disgusting. Even Dimples said it was disgusting and he has presided over some disgusting challenges. Each tribe has a cooked pig on a spit. Tribe members have their hands tied behind their backs and must use only their mouths to tear pieces of meat off the roast. They must spit this meat into a basket. Meat gets stuck in other peoples teeth and tribe member pull it off. As much spit falls into the basket as meat. It is vile. In the end though, Upolu wins the challenge by having exactly 2 ounces of meat more than Savaii. They win some food and spices, a new clue to the hidden idol and THE MEAT/SPIT from the baskets. OMG. And they are excited about winning it! We'll just wash the spit off, they tell us. Coach is ecstatic. He is definitely back in the drivers seat (great news if your destination is Spitsville!).

While the Upolulus wash their meat and chow down on Saliva Stew, the Savaiians are listening to Cochran tell them how they are all going to get herpes from all the mouth to mouth contact. Cochran is also working like he has never worked before, knowing he is on the chopping block. It's true, Ozzie and Elyse want Cochran to go. But Dawn, Jim and Cochran want to get rid of Elyse and break up the Elyse/Ozzie duo. They need a fourth to vote with them. They try to swing Keith who seems willing enough to vote for Elyse but not without telling Ozzie first. Both Whitney and Keith worry that Ozzie will lose trust in them if they vote for Elyse. They wonder how they can get out of this difficult situation. The answer becomes clear at Tribal Coiuncil when Dawn receives two votes (presumably from Whitney and Keith). Cochran also gets two votes but the rest go to Elyse who will head over to Redemption Island to hang out with Christine.

And so, until next week...

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast
Pat (aka Christine maybe I can build a reality career on Redemption Island Markoski)

Survivor South Pacific October 5/11

WTH! I am gone for three weeks and you guys can't cut me some slack? I come back to find myself wallowing in self-pity on Redemption Island.

But that aside, I'd like to thank Lynn for taking over the scribe duties while I was away. There were only four votes that I could locate among my e-mails for the final winner of this season. They are as follows:

Donna voted for Ozzie
Jack voted for Albert
Selina voted for Edna
Jeff voted for Rick

If someone sent either Lynn or I a vote and we missed it please let us know, but I think this is it.

I was very much feeling my way around this episode, trying to figure out who was who. In myfirst view of the mighty Ozzie (one of my all-time favourites) he is curled up on a hammock with Elyse. Jim is sizing up the situation. Ozzie is dangerous. Couples are dangerous. Ozzie in a couple is REALLY dangerous. He and Cochran hatch a plot to oust Elyse. We discover that Dawn is a Mormon who is uncomfortable swimming in her underwear, but is quite comfortable joining in the plot to oust Elyse. When Jim and Cochran leave for Redemption Island to observe the duel, Ozzie admonishes Jim not to play the strategy game too hard.

At Upolu, Brandon is aplogizing to everyone. He is upset that he let his temper get away from him. I wish he would stop apologizing says one of the women, as Brandon moves over to apologize to Edna. The apologies continue when Brandon gets to Redemption Island and he has to stop the challenge so that he can also apologize to Christine. OK we get it. New leaf, blah blah blah.

The Redemption Island duel involves Papa Bear and Christine tossing sandbags onto the top of barrels. The first to get one sandbag on top of each of the 10 barrels will get to hang around for a while longer. It is close, but Christine beats out Papa Bear, ending his Survivor dream. With Papa Bear Mark goes Jan from the pool.

Day 10 on Upolu sees Edna annoying everyone. She tells us she needs to play a social game since she can't beat these people in the physical challenges. You may be right Edna, but you seem to be trying just a little too hard. The cutesy giggle, the incessant chatter, walking on Coach's back?! Stacey wonders if Edna has a disconnect button somewhere that she might access to turn the woman off.

For the immunity challenge each tribe is asked to select two men and a woman. These three have poles placed across their shoulders. The opposing tribe determines who will get weight added to their pole during each stage of the challenge. Stacey, Brandon and Albert take on Keith, Dawy and Jim. In the end it comes down to the two women and Dawn narrowly wins over Stacey. Savaii wins reward, a crate of chickens, immunity and a clue to the hidden immunity idol.

It seems pretty clear that it will either be Edna or Stacey who will be heading over to Redemption Island. An insecure Edna asks Stacey if she should take her stuff to Tribal Council and Stacey tells her to do whatever she needs to do. Meanwhile Stacey talks to Coach who tells her he likes her, but Stacey is not taken in by Coach's BS.She tells Brandon that Sophie, Mikhayla and Albert have something going on, but when Brandon passes the news on the Coach he gets reprimanded for believing information coming from a condemned woman. Privately Coach tells us that Brandon worries him and that this has to be his (Coach's) game.

At Tribal Council Dimples introduces a new game that I will call "What do you find most annoying about _____". While this game is obviously meant to stir up trouble, no one really takes the bait. But when Brandon is asked what he finds most annoying about Edna, he mentions her chattiness, then suddenly starts to cry. He feels responsible to paint his family in a more positive light. Apparently old Uncle Russell made the family feel a little uncomfortable and Brandon feels he needs to undo all of that. In any case Brandon gets himself together and the vote is cast. In spite of her valiant effort at the Immunity Challenge, it is Stacey (along with Lynn) who is heading over to Redemption Island. This sets the stage for a Pat/Lynn duel next week and one of us will be out of the competition. Sigh. As Stacey is leaving Coach asks the tribe to give her a hug, but she brushes past Coach, refusing his hug and telling Dimples that it "wasn't real".

Until next week
Outplay, Outwit, Outlast
Pat (aka Christine I hope you didn't get too attached to me Markoski)

Survivor South Pacific Sept 28

First of all, Happy Birthday Pat!

Ding Dong, Avon calling... No it's just Christine waking Semhar at Redemption Island. They exchange mean tribe stories. Christine says Coach disliked her from the start. Wonder why Christine? Does the comment "temporary player" ring a bell?

Back at Upolu, Mikayla is shaken by Brandon's antagonism towards her. Brandon says he shouldn't have lied. He is a good Christian man and he is not like his Uncle Russell. In the morning, Tree Mail is an invite to Redemption Island. Coach immediately asks to go, followed by Stacey. Ozzy and Elyse are the watchers for Savaii. The Redemption Island challenge requires the competitors to balance a small totem on a pole. Every few minutes, they have to add another section of pole. The first one to drop their totem is gonzo. Competitors start your poems. At least, I guess that's what Jeff said because Semhar is reciting a spoken word piece about her imaginary boyfriend. Not sure what that had to do with the challenge, but judging by the eye rolling it was an opus. Semhar may have the words, but Christine had the balance. Christine tells us she's going to do a run like Matt did last year. As Semhar leaves, so does our Marie. It was short but sweet; as the first evictee, Marie gets a $10 refund.

Brandon has something to get off his chest (again). He decides to reveal his Hantz connection to the rest of Upolu. He tells them he is a good Christian man and is not like his Uncle Russell. Yeah, they're not buying that. Coach commends Brandon for his honesty, but tells the camera it wasn't a very smart move.

Ozzy the Fisher King also has a secret he's bursting to share. What is with these people??? He tells his most trusted ally, Keith, that he found the Idol. Ozzy, Ozzy, have you learned nothing throughout your Survivor journey? Keith immediately tells Whitney, but swears her to secrecy.

Mikayla is still stewing over at Upolu. She decides to call Brandon out because she doesn't know what she has done to make him dislike her so much. Brandon doesn't like this, but as a Christian he is willing to turn the other cheek. But before that cheek tilts to the other side, he must call a group meeting to shame Mikayla for not accepting his apology. Awkward!! He tells the group he just wants to be honest. He is a good Christian man and he is not like his Uncle Russell. Does anyone else have anything to say? Noooo, because none of them want to engage the crazy little man. Coach tells us privately that Brandon's behaviour is a form of aggression, a different type of aggression than Uncle Russell's, but still aggression. Sigh... I am so sad. When I learned Coach was going to be on Survivor, I gathered my repertoire of Coach jokes. He was going to make my three weeks of Survivor scribedom a slam dunk. Something is wrong, he is actually making sense. Coach, you let me down buddy. I'm shredding my jokes as we speak.

The Immunity Challenge tonight is possibly the most complicated challenge I've seen. Here goes... Each tribe is given a body board with a rope attached to it. Some of the tribe members must work a giant reel to release the rope, as another Survivor runs with the board across a floating bridge to a raft with bags of puzzle pieces. When they get their puzzle bag, they are pulled back through the water on their body board. Each team has to get five bags of puzzle pieces. Brandon proves he's got some game here. He is not like his Uncle Russell. He gets Upolu off to a significant lead, but Upolu doesn't keep it. This part of the challenge is neck and neck, with the two teams fighting hard. Upolu has all its bags first. Now two other tribe members on a high platform must use a grappling hook to lift the puzzle bags. Coach is the hero here as he pulls all five bags up very quickly. Whitney does a great job for Savaii too, but struggles with the final bag. Finally, Elyse steps in and brings the last bag home. The puzzle bags contain banners which much be hung over the platform railing to solve the puzzle. Savaii doesn't manage to catch up and Upolu wins Immunity and Reward. What a reward. COFFEE, tea, chocolate, sugar, milk, and cookies. The best thing about Upolu winning is that the focus comes off Brandon and we don't need to hear again that he is a good Christian man and he is not like his Uncle Russell.

At Savaii, Jim tells us that Mark aka Papa Bear, has to go. He should have been the first to go. Jim must have selective memory because previously he was adamant that Semhar be voted off. Perhaps Jim is test driving a little too much of the product he sells. Papa Bear and Cochran are well aware that they are the outsiders. Papa Bear is the oldest and Cochran is the geekiest. Papa Bear decides he needs to find the Idol. Elyse witnesses him sprinting off into the jungle. Soon a tracking party is watching Papa Bear digging through the dirt like a dog looking for a lost bone. But alas, no idol for Papa. So in an age old Survivor tradition he makes himself a fake idol and stuffs it down his shorts. As Papa's package has grown considerably since Cochran last saw him, Cochran is pretty sure he knows what the wily bear is trying to do. Everyone else starts scrambling as they fear Papa has the idol. Everyone except Ozzy, Keith, and Whitney. Because Ozzy hasn't told the whole group he has the Idol. That will probably be next week. Cochran isn't falling for the idol fake-out though and he happens to mention that possibility at Tribal. So despite some last minute strategy, Papa Bear will be fighting it out at Redemption Island with Christine.

On a personal note, I feel like we have been victimized by false advertising. Where are those fine abs Albert is displaying on the website? I don't recall any close up shots of a shirtless Albert yet, but this intrepid reporter will be raising her concerns with CBS.

Stacey (I want to see Albert's abs too) Powell

Survivor South Pacific Sept 21

At the beginning of tonight's episode, we see Semhar's sad arrival at Redemption Island. She feels abandoned even though she gave her best. How can people be so cruel? To combat her gloomy mood, she recites a poem for the camera. Did I call it or what?

At Savaii, Cochran is effusive in his thanks to the tribe for sparing him. Away from the group, Ozzy tells us that this may only be a temporary reprieve for Cochran. He needs to step up to the plate if he wants to stay. Although Ozzy was talking challenges, Cochran decides to take on the role of provider. He will chop as many coconuts as his Savaii tribemates can use. Cochran tells us that his mother would be none too pleased that he's wielding a machete without supervision, but a geek's got to do what a geek's got to do.

Ozzy seems to have bonded with his group, but he's taking no chances. He goes out hunting the Immunity Idol. He looks high and low and very, very high. The producers have hidden the Idol waaaay up in a tree. What a coincidence that the Idol is waaaay up in the tree when Survivor's own tree climbing guru is on the show. Hmmm. That's akin to the wild chickens that wandered out of the jungle into camp on a previous Survivor season. Not cynical, just saying.... Nope, I'm cynical.

Back at Upolu, Brandon needs to get something off his chest. Despite his previous statement that he won't tell anyone that he is Russell's nephew, he feels compelled to share with Coach. That's risky business considering Russell was directly repsonsible for Coach's demise on Heroes vs Villains. But it's Coach and he trusts anyone that talks to him so what could have been a nasty situation ends with bro hugs and prayers.

At Savaii, Jim approaches Keith and says he wants a 3 + 2 alliance - Jim, Keith and Ozzy being the 3 and Elyse and Whitney bringing up the rear. Keith readily agrees knowing that he and Ozzy already have a pact. Better to let Poker Player Jim take the heat while Keith slides on through. Over at Upolu, Coach has also formed an alliance of five consisting of him, Brandon, Cowboy Rick, Albert, and Sophie. Plus he's chatted up Edna so she appears to be an associate member.

For the Immunity Challenge, each tribe is divided into two teams of 4. Edna sits out for Upolu. The first team of four has to unwrap ribbons from a pseudo May Pole and dislodge the set of keys at the top. When they have the keys, they have to unlock the 2nd team of 4 so they can complete the giant puzzle made of crates. Cochran has been paired with the Savaii girls. Never a good sign. He entangles the ribbons more than he detangles them causing some jaw clenching from his male tribe mates who are chomping at the bit in their little corral. Upolu whips Savaii's butt in the May Pole. The released men take over now. They move the crates around like they are union members on hourly wages. No need to work up a sweat, they have a really big lead. Look over there, Savaii is fumbling with the lock. Lots of time for Upolu. Except, Savaii bolts out of the corral and gets to work. Bada bing, bada bang, their puzzle is finished and the largest crate is over the finish line. Upolu is stunned. Savaii goes home with blankets, pillows, a hammock, a mat and most importantly, the immunity idol.

Now Upolu has a decision to make. As far as Coach is concerned, Christine is the target. She called him a temporary player at their first meet and greet. That still stings. Plus, she has been frantically looking for the Immunity Idol. Suspicions arise that either she or Stacey have the Idol. Coach calls his alliance together and encourages them to split the vote. Three for Christine, three for Stacey and they pull in Mikalaya to add an additional vote for Christine. Brandon is not cool with that. He wants the wanton Delilah (aka Mikayla) to go. Brandon compares her to Parvati. Granted Parvati shamelessly flirted with anyone that had a **** (male equipment for the censors), but I haven't seen that kind of behaviour from Mikayla. She's hard working and a great competitor in the challenges. I also haven't seen her give Brandon a second glance. Brandon, on the other hand, can't take his eyes off Mikayla. But she must be punished for his uncontrolled lust. He tells Stacey and Christine to vote for Mikayla. They are puzzled because Mikayla's been a trooper. Brandon tells Coach that Stacey and Christine are voting for Mikayla. At Tribal Council, Coach calls out Christine and Stacey for their plot agains Mikayla. Say what?? Christine and Stacey are not wallflowers and come out fighting. Coach concedes that he didn't hear it from their lips, but from a reliable unnamed source . His lips are zipped and he's not giving it up. Oh oh, I see some squirming over to Coach's right. Watch out, here it comes. It was me, it was me says Brandon. That thunk you heard was Uncle Russell throwing his shoe at his big screen TV. For the first time in a long time, there are votes for multiple people at Tribal Council. Sophie, Edna, Christine and Stacey all hear their names read out. But, at the end of the voting, Coach's alliance stuck to his advice and Christine is joining Semhar at Redemption Island. Oh dear, good thing Pat is in South America and can't see her character head to Redemption Island for the second season in a row.

Lynn (aka Stacey, I'm next, Powell)

Survivor South Pacific Sept 14

Whew, this Survivor scribe job is hard work. I diligently took notes, focused on snippets of conversation and tried to figure out who's who in the zoo. Okay, check. Begin the email. Survivor this year is in.... Ummm, okay that might be important. Okay, CBS website. Survivor is in the South Pacific, okay we're narrowing it down. The name of the island must be here...nope can't find it. Alright, I think it might be in Samoa. They've done a couple of seasons there and I think I remember that palm tree to the left. Okay, I'm ready. Now, there are two tribes...that have names...uh huh, okay back to CBS. Upolu and Savaii. Now we're cooking.
The two tribes assemble on the beach where they are greeted by Jeff (Dimples) Probst who is clad in a GREEN shirt. Pat will be horrified. Jeff tells the tribes they will be joined by two more players. Ozzy jumps from the helicopter (cue squeals from the girls and and admiring "he's the man" nods from the guys). Next out is Coach (cue dead silence). To determine which tribe they are assigned to, Ozzy will select and break an egg filled with the paint colour of the tribe. Congrats Savaii, Ozzy has red egg on his face. Dimples immediately announces a "hero" challenge which determines who gets the first flint and taro to munch on. Ozzy and Coach go head to head in the challenge which involves digging a hole in the sand to get under an obstacle and over to a complicated puzzle. Ozzy flies through the sand and starts on his puzzle which he quickly realizes he will never solve. So he enlists the help of his tribe sitting in the peanut gallery. They shout out instructions. Coach follows Ozzy's lead. The problem is that no one on Coach's team is of any help. All of them shout out different instructions at the same time causing Coach to look more confused than normal. Ozzy is the victor and Savaii happily goes off to camp. Upolu also packs up and heads for camp, leaving Coach in the dust. Only Edna makes a friendly gesture toward the Dragon Slayer. Coach tells the camera he's a little worried. So are his tribemates - they got Coach.

At Upolu, Coach takes charge and teaches his group how to build a shelter. Despite their reservations, they seem to follow his lead quite happily. While they're working, we get to meet a couple of members of Upolu. First up is Brandon whose claim to fame is that he is Russell (Evil Garden Gnome) Hantz's nephew. Brandon says he's here to restore the good name of the Hantz family. He does not want anyone to know that he's related to Russell. Shhh, it's a secret. There will be a big reveal when he wins Survivor. Good plan, small glitch. Brandon has Hantz tattooed in various places on his body. No worries, he's just going to keep his shirt on for the whole season in the hot tropical weather. Joining our sly guy on Upolu is my own alter ego Stacey. She tells the camera that people will underestimate her. If I had a dollar for every time someone says they will be underestimated on Survivor... Anyhoo, Stacey says it may look like she's sleeping, but she's not. I tell my boss that too, but he's doesn't believe me either.

As we look in on Savaii in the early days, we find they are the chillaxing group. This causes great consternation for Cochran. He is forced to strip down to his undies and expose his translucent skin to the group. Yeah, he looks real comfortable hanging out next to Ozzy in the water. Another uncomfortable member of Savaii is Dawn. She doesn't like all the chillaxing. Dawn wants a shelter and a fire and water. In real life, Dawn is a competent English professor with six kids. In Survivor, Dawn is an emotional wreck who is having a meltdown on Day 2. This is harder than she expected and she feels old after one day on the beach. Ozzy works his surfer boy magic to calm her down.

At the Immunity Challenge, the tribes have to make their way through a tough obstacle course. At the end of the course, they release a huge bag of coconuts. They then play a Survivor game of basketball using coconuts as the ball. Whoever manages to fill up their basket with enough coconuts to raise the flag wins. Everyone has to go through the obstacle course, but only three play coconut ball. The tribes are able to strategize ahead of time. Semhar on Savaii claims she's a total bball queen and needs to be one of the shooters. Except that Semhar hadn't considered that coconuts are a little heavier than basketballs. She is sooo tired after shooting two coconuts. It was close, but Upolu pulls off the win which includes a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Now we get to meet another Savaii tribe member, Jim. He is a medical marijuana distributor and a sore loser. He stands behind Semhar making unsupportive faces while she apologizes. Semhar calls him out at camp saying at least she stepped up to be a player.

Before they head to Tribal Council, the talk around camp is that either Semhar or Cochran will be voted out. Cochran fits the definition of a geek. Smart, socially awkward, uncooordinated. The pro-Semhar camp thinks that Cochran will be a liability in any physical challenges. The pro-Cochran camp thinks that Semhar lost the immunity challenge for them (according to Jim) and should be duly punished. At Tribal Council, Cochran, a self declared Survivor expert (he even wrote an award winning paper on Survivor for law school, Harvard no less) fights for his place in the tribe. He says he is a learner and will never make the same mistake twice. Semhar doesn't have an adequate rebuttal for Cochran's argument and so heads down the path of shame to Redemption Island. Will she redeem herself and come back with a poem for Jim or is this her swan song? Stay tuned.

Lynn aka Stacey (the immunity idol was two inches from my nose, I must have been sleeping) Powell