Survivor South Pacific Sept 14

Whew, this Survivor scribe job is hard work. I diligently took notes, focused on snippets of conversation and tried to figure out who's who in the zoo. Okay, check. Begin the email. Survivor this year is in.... Ummm, okay that might be important. Okay, CBS website. Survivor is in the South Pacific, okay we're narrowing it down. The name of the island must be here...nope can't find it. Alright, I think it might be in Samoa. They've done a couple of seasons there and I think I remember that palm tree to the left. Okay, I'm ready. Now, there are two tribes...that have names...uh huh, okay back to CBS. Upolu and Savaii. Now we're cooking.
The two tribes assemble on the beach where they are greeted by Jeff (Dimples) Probst who is clad in a GREEN shirt. Pat will be horrified. Jeff tells the tribes they will be joined by two more players. Ozzy jumps from the helicopter (cue squeals from the girls and and admiring "he's the man" nods from the guys). Next out is Coach (cue dead silence). To determine which tribe they are assigned to, Ozzy will select and break an egg filled with the paint colour of the tribe. Congrats Savaii, Ozzy has red egg on his face. Dimples immediately announces a "hero" challenge which determines who gets the first flint and taro to munch on. Ozzy and Coach go head to head in the challenge which involves digging a hole in the sand to get under an obstacle and over to a complicated puzzle. Ozzy flies through the sand and starts on his puzzle which he quickly realizes he will never solve. So he enlists the help of his tribe sitting in the peanut gallery. They shout out instructions. Coach follows Ozzy's lead. The problem is that no one on Coach's team is of any help. All of them shout out different instructions at the same time causing Coach to look more confused than normal. Ozzy is the victor and Savaii happily goes off to camp. Upolu also packs up and heads for camp, leaving Coach in the dust. Only Edna makes a friendly gesture toward the Dragon Slayer. Coach tells the camera he's a little worried. So are his tribemates - they got Coach.

At Upolu, Coach takes charge and teaches his group how to build a shelter. Despite their reservations, they seem to follow his lead quite happily. While they're working, we get to meet a couple of members of Upolu. First up is Brandon whose claim to fame is that he is Russell (Evil Garden Gnome) Hantz's nephew. Brandon says he's here to restore the good name of the Hantz family. He does not want anyone to know that he's related to Russell. Shhh, it's a secret. There will be a big reveal when he wins Survivor. Good plan, small glitch. Brandon has Hantz tattooed in various places on his body. No worries, he's just going to keep his shirt on for the whole season in the hot tropical weather. Joining our sly guy on Upolu is my own alter ego Stacey. She tells the camera that people will underestimate her. If I had a dollar for every time someone says they will be underestimated on Survivor... Anyhoo, Stacey says it may look like she's sleeping, but she's not. I tell my boss that too, but he's doesn't believe me either.

As we look in on Savaii in the early days, we find they are the chillaxing group. This causes great consternation for Cochran. He is forced to strip down to his undies and expose his translucent skin to the group. Yeah, he looks real comfortable hanging out next to Ozzy in the water. Another uncomfortable member of Savaii is Dawn. She doesn't like all the chillaxing. Dawn wants a shelter and a fire and water. In real life, Dawn is a competent English professor with six kids. In Survivor, Dawn is an emotional wreck who is having a meltdown on Day 2. This is harder than she expected and she feels old after one day on the beach. Ozzy works his surfer boy magic to calm her down.

At the Immunity Challenge, the tribes have to make their way through a tough obstacle course. At the end of the course, they release a huge bag of coconuts. They then play a Survivor game of basketball using coconuts as the ball. Whoever manages to fill up their basket with enough coconuts to raise the flag wins. Everyone has to go through the obstacle course, but only three play coconut ball. The tribes are able to strategize ahead of time. Semhar on Savaii claims she's a total bball queen and needs to be one of the shooters. Except that Semhar hadn't considered that coconuts are a little heavier than basketballs. She is sooo tired after shooting two coconuts. It was close, but Upolu pulls off the win which includes a clue to the hidden immunity idol. Now we get to meet another Savaii tribe member, Jim. He is a medical marijuana distributor and a sore loser. He stands behind Semhar making unsupportive faces while she apologizes. Semhar calls him out at camp saying at least she stepped up to be a player.

Before they head to Tribal Council, the talk around camp is that either Semhar or Cochran will be voted out. Cochran fits the definition of a geek. Smart, socially awkward, uncooordinated. The pro-Semhar camp thinks that Cochran will be a liability in any physical challenges. The pro-Cochran camp thinks that Semhar lost the immunity challenge for them (according to Jim) and should be duly punished. At Tribal Council, Cochran, a self declared Survivor expert (he even wrote an award winning paper on Survivor for law school, Harvard no less) fights for his place in the tribe. He says he is a learner and will never make the same mistake twice. Semhar doesn't have an adequate rebuttal for Cochran's argument and so heads down the path of shame to Redemption Island. Will she redeem herself and come back with a poem for Jim or is this her swan song? Stay tuned.

Lynn aka Stacey (the immunity idol was two inches from my nose, I must have been sleeping) Powell