Survivor Phillipines - September 19

It must be fall because that old familiar Survivor music is playing. Hope everyone had a wonderful summer. We begin the update with a story of survival (in Calgary). Your pinch hitting scribe had a bad day, a very bad day. I'll spare you the gory details but suffice it to say it included a ripped hem, blisters from inppropriate shoes, a ladder down my cute brown tights, a complete Outlook breakdown at work, and train delays on the commute home. Finally, I reached the train station. I sprinted to my car intent on my Survivor duties. And the piece de resistance of my day...my car keys were back at my office. So hem dragging, with shredded pantyhose, your intrepid Survivor reporter limped through the heat all the way home. Thank god someone invented PVRs. And so another season of Survivor begins: This season, the location is the Philippines. As the show begins, our Survivors are wending their way by boat to camp when lo and behold here comes our beloved Jeff Probst. The first twist of the season - there are three tribes - Matsing, Kalabaw, and Tandang. Why three, you ask? Well, funnily enough, that's because we have three returning Survivors that had to leave their games early because of illness - Jonathan Penner due to an infection, Russell Swan due to dehydration, and Michael Skupin due to a fall into the fire. Each returnee is assigned to a tribe. Jeff announces that the tribes will be leaving by raft. They have only a couple of minutes to gather up any supplies they want and get them on their raft. A mad scramble ensues and Matsing overturns their raft, dumping much of their booty into the water. Jeff, the retired baseball player, from Tandang lands awkwardly on the raft wrenching his knee. Before long the group is on land. At Matsing, Russell asserts that he's not the leader, while he is giving orders.... Strike one. At Kalabaw, Jonathan is very emotional about his comeback chance in the game he loves. It brings a little tear to my eye, but not his team mates'. Jonathan barely finishes his speech before the plotting begins. Michael seems to be faring a little better with Tandang. Right now, the young folk seem to think he'll be useful. They form a quick alliance and invite Michael in as the token old dude. Michael is happy somone wants to play the game with him, but he is more interested in another player. Unlike the twenty something crowd, Michael recognizes D list celebrity Lisa Whelchel aka Blair from the Facts of Life. He encourages Lisa to play the celebrity card thinking the other players will be starstruck. Lisa is wise enough to know that a) they won't have a friggin' clue who she is and b) it will paint a big target on her back. Over at Kalabaw, the other minor celebrity, retired baseball player Jeff Kent, is on Dawson's radar. Her ex-boyfriend was a baseball fanatic and she recognizes Jeff. See, ex-boyfriends are good for something! For now, Dawson is going to play it cool but the information is stored as a future bargaining chip. Meanwhile at Matsing, Zane is busy making alliances with everyone. And he seals his final alliance with Russell and Malcolm, by sharing that information with them. Because really, that's his true alliance. No, really. Would he lie? At the challenge, the Survivors arrive looking like citified warriors with their face paint. Each tribe will complete parts of the challenge in teams of two. The first pairs are tied together and must run into the jungle to retrieve a set of paddles. Pair #2 then paddles out to recover a submerged chest from the water, and the final pair will complete a puzzle. Russell, not the leader of Matsing, assigns everyone roles. Russell and Zane will complete the run, Malcolm and RC will paddle out and Angie & Roxy will complete the puzzle. Wait a darn tootin' minute says Angie. I ran track in high school and I'm terrible at puzzles. No, says Russell not the leader, you must obey. Well guess what. Russell has to drag Zane behind him on the run because Zane can't run. And yes you've probably figured this out, but Angie really is terrible at puzzles. Kalabaw wins first prize, a full fire starting kit, Tandang wins second place and a flint, while Russell's team is dead last and wins a trip to Tribal Council. Strike 2. A scowling Angie and Roxy head back to camp with thunder clouds brewing over their heads. You got to figure Strike 3 is coming for Russell. But wait, Zane is going to make a big move. He tells everyone he sucked at the challenge and is obviously not physically fit enough to compete. He's very sorry and understands that he should go home. In private, Zane tells the camera that he is using reverse psychology. He figures everyone will like him so much for offering to be the fall guy that they won't be able to bear to vote him out. Oh, he's a trickster. So tricky that before he could say Jeff Probst has great dimples his sojourn at Survivor was over. To borrow one of my favourite British words, the boy was gobsmacked. Sadly, Zane tricked himself and our own Selina out of the pool. Bonne nuit Survivor fans, Lynn aka Angie (dammit I can't do puzzles) Layton