Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Survivor One World - February 29/12

We rejoin the women of Salani as they return to camp. Nina has been sent back to the retirement home leaving the camp to the nubile younger women. The eyes of those younger women are firmly on Kat who narrowly survived going home herself. Alicia comforts her and tells her to avoid crying at Tribal Council lest it shorten her stay on the island. The women all agree that they need some glimmer of hope. So far, that glimmer is hidden behind some really dark clouds. A storm is rolling in and it is windy and cold. Colton comes over to invite the girls over to the men's camp to ride out the storm under their tarp. To their credit, the women decline and spend a cold wet night huddled in their leaky shelter. By morning their fire is out and they add hunger to their list of maladies. They head over to the men's camp to sit by the fire. Matt, who has been out crab hunting returns to find the shelter crowded by cold wet women. Only Colton, and apparently Matt, could miss the opportunities inherent in this situation. Matt isn't pleased. The male/female rivalry goes from bad to worse when the women win the next reward challenge. A memory test where pairs must remember the order of a series of objects brings out the best in the women. They win every round and, for their trouble, win a canoe with paddles and fishing gear. The women head off to find their boat, full of plans to get a fire going and repair their shelter. More rain rolls in though and it is more than some of the women can handle. They go over to ask the men for an ember to start their fire. The men grudgingly give them an ember which apparently goes out because Alicia and Chelsea are soon over again asking to sit by the fire. When the men suggest that maybe their kindness might be repaid by the occasional use of the canoe, the women are less than receptive. "We will check with the others" say Alicia and Chelsea as they head back to their own camp. The men believe their request quite legitimate given that the women have been asking for plenty of favours over the last few hours. Over at Camp Salani Chelsea is in tears saying she would gladly give the men the &^%( boat if she could just get warm. By the next morning the sun has come out and the mood of the women of Salani has markedly improved. They even manage to spear three small fish. But all good things must be interupted by a challenge. In this case the challenge involves 6 members of the tribe being blindfolded and heading out in pairs under the direction of a "caller" who must guide them verbally through an obstacle course. The tribe must find and release 5 tubs of water, each of which contain a bag of puzzle pieces. Once all five bags have been retrieved the caller must open the bags and assemble the puzzle. The men take a commanding lead as Sabrina stumbles in her directions to the women. However when it comes down to Sabrina and Bill assembling the puzzle, Sabrina (with help from Monica) wins the day for the women. Back at camp the women are elated over their victory...the men not so much. Colton is supremely annoyed by Bill, who he calls ghetto trash, and wants him gone. Surprisingly (at least to your humble scribe) Colton is heading up a pretty loyal alliance of Tarzan, Troy, Jason and Leif. The numbers are on their side. At one point during a strategy meeting Jay shows up. Tarzan asks him if he has the courage to vote with them to get rid of Bill. Backed into a corner Jay agrees that he will. Imagine Jay's horror then when his alliance show up in the person of Matt, who asks what they are talking about. Mumble. Shuffle. Mumble. "Strategy" says Tarzan. Wondering what these guys could possibly be planning (after all he has things firmly in hand), Matt pulls Troy aside. "We are two heads of a snake", he tells Troy. You head the Average Joes while I head the Muscle Alliance. There is a lot of other stuff about roosters too, to which Troy smiles, nods and agrees. But privately Troy tells us "it ain't Survivor unless you're lying". He reports back to his Average Joe alliance and even Colton becomes convinced that Matt should be the next to go. When the votes are cast at Tribal Council it is the "in control" Matt who is watching his torch get snuffed. Along with Matt goes Lynn from our pool. Cheryl voted for Matt as the ultimate winner so she too is mourning this evening. Until next week... Outwit, Outplay, Outlast Pat (aka Kat I spell it R E P R I E V E Edorsson)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Survivor One World - Feb 22/12 and who you voted to win

So lets kick off this party by telling you who voted for whom to win the 1,000,000 prize. In no particular order: Cheryl voted for Matt Roberta voted for Christina Lisa and Pat voted for Sabrina Lynn, Mitzi and Jeff voted for Chelsea Jack voted for Monica Selina and Donna voted for Kim Rick voted for Jay Good luck everyone. The person who picks the ultimate winner (or the last of the above people to be eliminated) will win $20.00. The whole Survivor buff idea is getting a little too pricey, so in the absence of fundraising bingos I have had to discontinue the buffs. If you have a Survivor buff in your closet, treasure it as it will now become a collector's item. We begin this episode as the women of Salani return from Tribal Council. Christina takes Alicia aside wanting to talk and clear the air. Alicia says "forget it" and gives her a big hug but privately tells us that she is thankful Christina "made herself look crazy" at Tribal Council and says if she saw her drowning in the ocean she would look the othe way. Oh, and in Alicia's view Nina looks like a bag of rocks. Good. We have established a new standard for two-faced bitchery. Let's move on. The women decide to hold a meeting. Sabrina feels that the tribe needs to set some ground rules. During the course of the meeting Sabrina emerges as the leader given that she doesn't get upset and doesn't bark out orders. Sabrina accepts the leadership role graciously. Her first leadership test comes with a Do-It-Yourself challenge. Who knows, maybe Dimples was on the mainland buying new shirts or something because the Survivors have to run this challenge on their own. Each tribe has a crate filled with about 5 gazillion pounds of knotted rope. Somewhere in the middle of the rope is a ring. The first team to get their rope out of the crate and unknot it enough to recover the ring will win reward - a giant tarp, as well as the crate and the rope. Ultimately the men win the challenge and take their tarp back to use as a setting for the "dream camp". As Camp Manono is being pimped out, Colton sits on the swing, acts bored and swishes off to visit the girls. This is not lost on the men who feel that Colton has the women in the palm of his hand. What they don't realize is that the women are also sick of Colton. "Bad dog..go home". They kick him out of camp saying they need to talk about girl stuff and tribe strategy. But Colton is soon back, this time in tears. Sabrina privately calls him a drama queen and tells us he is moving closer to jerkdom by the minute. He is sent away by Kim who tells him that having him in camp is not an option. At Camp Manono, Tarzan is pole dancing (well really he is dancing with a stick but pole dancing sounds way cooler). In the midst of the floor show Colton pulls out the Immunity Idol give to him by Sabrina. "I am going to use this at the next Tribal Council", he tells Troy and Jonas who suddenly have a new respect for Colton (which I don't share - way too early to pull out the idol). At the Immunity Challenge Dimples is wearing a sea green shirt, thereby confirming my theory that he was away shopping on the mainland and missed the Reward Challenge. However he shows up for this one because the girls are in bikinis lined up on a balance beam over the water. So are the guys. The task is for the person on one end to move around all their tribe mates to the platform at the end without falling in, without knocking anyone else in and without touching more than one person at a time. The men sail through this challenge, probably because any additional touching of uncovered male flesh is the last thing they want to do. The women are constantly being penalized for touching more than one person, meaning they have to jump in the water and start over. In the end the men win immunity before the women have their second contestant to the platform. It is a rout and many of the women are embarassed. Kat (my girl, sadly) could not get past anyone and even jumped in the water twice when she didn't have to. No one could hear strategy over her cheerleading. Nina is painfully aware that she, Christina and Monica are pitted against the "young" alliance of Kat, Sabrina, Alicia and Chelsea. She is also very angry at Kat who she calls a dumb blonde (whoa that's a little insulting) and dumber than dumb. Knowing she is a target Nina talks to Chelsea and tries to draw her away from the "young" alliance. Chelsea agrees that the women have been an embarassment to her and goes to talk to Kim. Kim also agrees that Kat is young and dumb and pretty much useless but says that the alliance needs to see them as trustworthy. And so the women troop off to Tribal Council which is somewhat more subdued than last time. The biggest excitement comes when Dimples tells them he feels like he is talking to a bunch of sixth graders. Ouch. When the votes are tallied it is Nina, the veteran cop who is going home taking our own Kathy with her. Bon Voyage Kathy. We hope you will stay with us in spirit. Until next week Outwit, Outplay, Outlast Pat (aka Kat I am so going down Edorsson)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Survivor One World - February 15/12

I feel cheated. I think the music has changed. Or did we just fast forward through it? Ah well. If Dimples can listen to these people week after week in tribal council, I guess I can survive new music. We learn that 18 Survivors have been dropped on a remote Polynesian Island. Dimples tells us this while standing outside the helicopter on the stut and right before said helicopter banks off into the wild blue yonder with dimples glued to the side. Real? Or camera trickery? Either way it was kinda cool and if it was real you can bet Dimples was crazy glued onto the side of that helicopter. Back on Terra Firma we begin to meet some of the Survivors. There is Greg who fancies himself as Tarzan and wants people to call him that. That creates resentment in Troy who was hoping to use Troyzan as his moniker...seriously guys?? There is Colton, the token gay guy who is embodies every over the top gay stereotype I could name. There is Kourtney who feels she doesn't fit in anywhere...possibly because her parents spelled her name wrong. We learn that the Survivors will be split into a female tribe called Salani and a male tribe called Manono. We also learn that there will be hidden idols to spice up this season of Survivor but there will be no Redemption Island. The Survivors are given 60 seconds to strip the truck in which they arrived. While the women grab stuff and stow it to the side, Michael from the Manono tribe is carrying their stuff over the the men's side. Looks like the game is on! Once the truck is unloaded the two tribes recieve their maps and head off in different directions. Except they end up on the same beach with camps just a few feet from each other. The two tribes keep to themselves as they set up their respective camps until someone spots three chickens lurking nearby. In the ensuing mayhem Matt suggests that they work together to catch the chickens and share them. Someone from the women's tribe mumbles in agreement. But when country-girl Chelsea catches two of the three chickens the women are not so sure they want to share. They are, no doubt still smarting over the ax and other items that the men stole from them back at the truck. Matt assures us that the girls will bring them a chicken as an apology (?). However, its not their guilt that brings the girls over to the men's camp...its the smell of smoke. Jay has successfully started a fire and Sabrina suggests trading a chicken for some fire. nothing doing say the guys. Two of the women even sneak over in the middle of night and steal some flame, but they are unable to keep the flame going. The next morning the men strike a deal with Christine that they will give the women fire, provided they weave 20 palm fronds to help them make a roof for their shelter. The women agree but Alicia isn't pleased that Christina struck a deal with the men. Colton is spending most of his time with the women, trying to get on their good side. He knows he is a target on the men's team and begs the women to tell him if they find an idol. As luck would have it, Sabrina does find a hidden idol, but the accompanying note says that it is for Manono and if a member of Salani finds it they must choose someone from Manono to give it to. Sabrina tells Colton she has the idol but is not sure yet who she should give it too. The Immunity challenge involves Survivors jumping one by one off a platform and dropping 25 feet onto a net. From there they must go over a balance beam and down a slide. The first tribe to get all members onto the mat at the end will win immunity. Kourtney hurts her wrist on the initial jump and by the time she gets to the balance beam she is laying on the ground claiming she can't go on. The medical team is called and Kourtney is taken away for x-rays. The men are now given a choice. They can win the challenge outright, or they can finish the challenge. They opt to take their win, leaving the girls fuming and planning for their first Tribal Council. In the midst of it all Sabrina gives Colton the idol. Alicia hopes that Kourtney doesn't return which will make their job easier, but Alicia resents Christina's making deals with the other tribe and wants her gone. At Tribal Council there is a lot of shouting between Alicia and Christina and the other women are obviously uncomfortable. After letting the women air their dirty laundry, Dimples tells them that Kourtney's wrist is broken and she will not be returning to the game. As a result they don't have to vote anyone off and they can return to camp. And so, the first to depart from our pool is Georgia who doesn't have to send me any money. For everyone else, if you haven't already sent your $10.00, please do as soon as possible. You can mail a cheque to me at Box 1196 Fort Qu'Appelle S0G 1S0 or send me an electronic transfer. Also, don't forget to send me your votes as to who you think will be the ultimate winner of Survivor One World. You have until the start of next week's episode to get your votes in to me. Until next week... Outwit, Outplay, Outlast Pat (aka Kat Cute as a Button Edorsson)

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Survivor One World - Learn Your Identity

Lynn and I met via telephone tonight to select your alter ego for the upcoming season of Survivor. Grace has decided to sit out this season leaving 19 people in our pool. There are only 18 Survivors so our first item of business was to determine who would have to double up. We decided to determine this by random draw and Roberta and Cheryl are the lucky pair who will share a character and split the winnings if that person becomes the final winner. This is the way things unfolded: Lorelee will be learning some tricks from Alicia Rosa, 25 year old special ed teacher from Chicago, Illinois Debbie will be making her sales pitch along with Chelsea Meisner, 26 year old medical sales rep from Charleston, South Carolina. Jan will be babysitting Colton Cumbie, 21 year old college student from Munroeville, Alabama Jack will be strutting his stuff along with Jay Byars, a 25 year old model from Gaffney, South Carolina Pat (me) will be sharing time with Kat Edorsson, 22 year old timeshare rep from Orlando, Florida Georgia will be going full throttle with her alter ego Kourtney Moon, 29 year old motorcycle repair person from Austin Texas Lynn will be looking at the briefs of Matt Quinlan, a 33 year old attorney from San Francisco, California Lisa will be watching plays along with Monica Culpepper, 41 year old ex-NFL player's wife Mitzie will be schooled by Sabrina Thompson, 33 year old high school teacher from Brooklyn, New York Pam will be laughing along with Bill Posley, 28 year old stand up comedian from Venice, California Cheryl and Roberta will be looking at the help wanted ads along with Christina Cha, a 29 year old career consultant from Hollywood, California Marie will be nipped and tucked by Greg Smith, a 64 year old plastic surgeon from Houston, Texas Barb will be dining with Jonas Otsuju, a 37 year old sushi chef from Lehi, Utah Donna will be saying "yes to the dress" in the company of Kim Spradin, a 29 year old bridal shop owner from San Antonio, Texas Rick will be drawing first blood with his team mate Leif Manson, a 27 year old phlebotomist from San Diego, California Selina will be settling accounts with Michael Jefferson, a 30 year old banker from Seattle, Washington Kathy will be looking for clues along with Nina Acosta, a 51 year old retired LAPD officer from Clovis, California Jeff will be admiring the bikini clad beauties along with Troy Robertson, a 50 year old swimsuit photographer from Miami, Florida There you have it...your cast of characters for the upcoming season. The first show is this Wednesday (February 15). After the first show, please remember to send me your vote as to who you think will ultimately win. This season the person who selects the correct winner will win $20.00 cash instead of the Survivor buff (which has become prohibitively expensive). You have until the start of the second week's episode to get your votes in to me. Good luck everyone!