Season Premiere...Survivor Samoa

Wahoo. It was good to hear that music again, wasn't it?

Twenty new Survivors paddle onto our screen and into Samoa, in the South Pacific. Although we don't see the circumstances which led up to them being in the canoes, one wonders if Survivor contestants will ever learn. Some are in high heels, others in suits. Argghhh. It makes me crazy. You will end up in the jungle eventually. You might want to put on some practical footwear!

But I digress. The Survivors come to shore and meet Dimples, who tells them that they have already been sorted into two tribes, Galu and Foa Foa. Using only the impressions they have gained in the canoes, each tribe has to elect a leader. The leader for Galu is the nattily dressed Russel (not to be confused with Russell from the other tribe who we will get to in due time). The Foa Foa Folks select Mick. Dimples then asks each leader to select someone from their tribe who appears to be the best swimmer, the strongest, the most agile and the smartest.

The challenge involves having the swimmer from each tribe swim out and retrieve a key which they then turn over to the team strongman. This person must unlock two bundles of logs and carry them to a mat. The agility person then takes over and makes their way over a balance beam while running the key along a rope wound around the beam. And finally the smartest person takes over, using the key to unlock puzzle pieces (qu'elle suprise) and solve a puzzle. Foa Foa wins reward (a flint) and John of Galu wins demerit points for his poor swim and his long rest on the beach after the challenge.

Once the tribes arrive at their camps, it doesn't take long for the action to start. Russell H. (multimillionaire, garden gnome on steroids and certified ass) wastes no time all all in establishing an alliance with the "dumb short haired blonde", the "even dumber long haired blonde" and the "dumb one with dark hair". This little group he calls the Dumbass Girl Alliance. He also makes an alliance with Betsy the cop who he acknowledges is older and smarter and will require more caution on his part. Privately Betsy tells us that she doesn't trust Russell.

Over at Galu, Russell (the nice one) is taking his leadership role seriously but has a little too much help. Especially from Dan who is a woodsy kind of guy and knows just how to dig the latrines, and John who would like them to do a feasibility study on the third log on the left in the shelter they are building. All of the time wasting irks Shambo, the mulletted female ex-marine who seems like a get er done kind of gal.

Back at Foa Foa, night has fallen and the tribe mates are snuggled in their shelter. Evil Russell is telling stories. He tells them about losing his dog to the flood waters following hurricane Katrina. The girls weep. Privately he tells us he as never lived in New Orleans and has never owned a dog. Privately Marissa tells us she is sensing a slime ball. This is confirmed when Russell empties all the canteens and even burns one of Jaison's socks. All of this, he tells us, is to make his tribe mates as miserable as possible so that he can control them. In the morning his beady eyes glisten as he watched the fireworks.

But enough fun. Dimples calls the tribes together for their first immunity challenge. In this challenge all members of the tribe must make it over 3 A-frame structures carrying coils of rope. Once everyone is over (and this is not accomplished without the loss of a lot of skin!) they must use the rope to pull a large crate up a ramp. In the crate are (I don't believe it!) puzzle pieces which four members of the tribe must assemble. Galu wins the challenge, immunity, and fire thanks to an all female puzzle-making come-back.

So Foa Foa has to decide who to send home. Mike, sitting on a log with his belly hanging in the sand, proclaims that the weakest should go, and that is Ashley. However Marissa tells Evil Russell that he worries her because he is talking to everyone. Evil Russell construes this as an attack and vows to get rid of Marissa. According to Evil Russell the tribe will believe anything he says because they are stupid. Once he is done with them he will "throw them in the trash". However Betsy reiterates that she doesn't trust Russell. But, at least this time, Russell gets his way and when the ballots are counted Marissa is the first to leave. Her crime was not only in seeing through Russell, but in telling him about it. With Marissa goes our own Georgia. The good news is that Georgia will get her $10.00 back. She also can be proud that she stood up to the evil garden gnome.

Remember to check out the bios at http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor/ and pick the person you think will take the million dollars. Let me know your pick before the start of next weeks show and you may win a Survivor buff just like "Selina" did.

Until next week,
Outwit, Outplay, Outlast
Pat (aka Erik didja see me carry those heavy heavy logs Cardona)