Episode #1 - Survivor Gabon - September 25/08

I was very excited about watching Survivor on High Definition, then crushed to learn that it started an hour earlier on the high def channels and that I had already missed half of it. No matter though. I didn't need high def to tell me that Gabon is beautiful, there are 18 Survivors out hiking with only their street clothes* and Dimples was wearing a blue shirt again (rumour has it he wore a shirt of another colour for the Emmies?). What a wild man he is. I guess you can act all crazy-like when you win an award.

Our first order of business, after walking a few hundred feet across the savannah for the benefit of the cameras, is to chose tribes. Bob and Gillian, as the elders, get this honour. Bob chooses wisely, Gillian not so much. In the end we have two tribes Fang (pronounced Fong for reasons which will, perhaps, come to me in my sleep tonight), and Kota. The tribes are then presented with their first challenge. They must run through a series of flags up a hill (reminicent of a hill that Lynn, Debbie and I agilely scaled while hiking in Jasper one year). At the top of the hill are two individual immunity idols and some essentials like rice. There is also an extra bag of corn and one of beans for the first tribe to get all its members to the top of the hill. So its a selfish run for an idol, or a team run for food. GC and Marcus blow off the team thing and race to the top to collect the two immunity idols. Kota wins the extra food by getting all their members to the top first. Meanwhile Fang struggles with both Gillian and Crystal needing to be bodily pushed up the hill (remember, just four years ago Crystal was an Olympic athlete. Of course, in fairness, her event wasn't Gabonese Hill Climbing).

The tribes head off to find their respective camps and begin settling in. At Camp Fang, Gillian begins collecting elephant dung for firestarter. That's all well and good but she also wants to dig through it to see if there are any undigested bits that they might be able to eat. Day 1 is a little too soon to be throwing this kind of thing at the others. Presto, Gillian has instantly become an annoyance, especially to Randy. Meanwhile the Fang food experimentation continues as Michelle eats a termite under the admiring gaze of Kenny the gamer. Kenny tells us it has been four years since he kissed a girl and wonder if romance might blossom in Gabon.

At Kamp Kota Ace is getting on the nerves of a few, while a flaming Charlie is obviously infatuated with Marcus (as am I). Marcus tells us privately that he likes Charlie but there will not be two Adams in this Eden.

As night falls on our survivors an elephant visits the camp of the Fang tribe. Randy gets up to investigate and cuts his head on a stick. There is a lot of blood and nurse Gillian is not willing to treat it in the dark. The medics are called and they stitch Randy up and bandage his head. None of this is Randy's fault. Its only that he was unfortunate enough to be drawn by me in the pool and so is assigned to hopeless ineptitude until he is thrown out of Gabon in disgrace. Fortunately Randy's cries of pain are muffled by Michelle whining. She is cold. She is too boney and the ground is hard. And its only the first night.

Tree mail arrives promising flame (presumably not refering to the aforementioned Charlie) and game. In preparation for the challenge Ace leads his tribe in a bit of Iyanguderwear yoga, much to the amusement of Bob and Paloma. Ace insists it will tone their chakras. Paloma just thinks doing yoga in your underwear is funny.

The tribes arrive at the challenge to learn that six tribe members will be belted together. They must run through a leech-infested swamp and over a net barricade. They must dig up three bags buried in sand that contain puzzle pieces and get these puzzle pieces back to the start. There the remaining three tribe members must assemble the puzzle. The first tribe finished wins immunity and a flint with which to start a fire. Kota wins this challenge with no problem (no doubt due to their highly toned chakras).

Back at camp the Fangaruvians begin to plot. Whiney Michelle is definitely on their hit list, but so is Gillian. At tribal council Dimples unloads on the team about their ineptitude and Michelle criticizes GC's performance in the challenge. Chaos ensues. Finally after things cool off Dimples guides them into chosing a leader and GC is "the chosen one". When they finally get around to voting Michelle is the one watching her torch being snuffed. And with Michelle goes Lorelee who, as usual, will get her money back as the first one out of the game.

It's now day four. Kota has settled into a routine. Charlie and Marcus continue to strengthen their alliance. Charlie tells us that he would jump all over Marcus if he could. Marcus sees he and Charlie as the centre of a tight alliance, but they need to add more layers. In what Marcus calls the Large Onion Alliance they decide to add Jacquie, Corrine and perhaps Bob as the outer layers.

Over at the Fang camp, GC is exercising his leadership muscle and feels it's going quite well. He politely assigns tasks and the work is getting done. It all falls apart that night when Randy starts snoring. GC can't sleep so he gets up and starts doing stuff. That wakes up others who join him. They talk. They wake others up. Gillian is angry. There is an argument and GC resigns as leader. In this leadership vaccuum everyone stands around looking at their feet and rubbing their toes in the dirt but no one steps up to become the new leader.

Treemnail arrives talking about rolling stones and fish. It turns out the Survivors must, in teams, roll two giant balls up a hill and through a series of gates. Along the way they must stop to retrieve two sets of keys suspended high above their heads. At the end they must find the correct three keys from among the six they have, and unlock three padlocks. This will get them through to the finish. Kota wins again, winning the reward of fishing gear. They also select Dan to go to Exile Island.

And so the Kotadians head back to a camp where life is good. Charlie is having a blast. In fact Charlie says camp is better than home. Jacquie is impressed with her team mates saying they have the cleverest guys.

Dan is on Exile Island where he learns he must make a choice between comfort (a nice little grass hut and an apple) and a clue to the whereabouts of the hidden immunity idol. Dan, naturally enough choses the clue, but despite all his efforts he is unable to find the sandy crater that the clue talks about.

The Fangs, minus Dan, are lamenting their third loss, but trying to stay positive. And, in truth, things seem to be looking up. Randy fashions a fish hook out of the wire in his glasses and GC and Ken catch five small fish, providing some much needed protein. When Dan returns from Exile Island they think he is acting strangely and wonder if he has found the idol and is just not prepared to reveal it. However, when the idea is mentioned later at Tribal Council Dan obligingly empties his bag to prove he doesn't have the idol. The votes are cast and Gillian is the one heading home. With Gillian goes pool co-founder Lynn.

And so there are 16 Survivors left. You now have one week to decide who you believe will be the ultimate winner of the one million dollars. Let me know via e-mail (put it in writing please) who you think will win before the beginning of the next episode.

Feel free to post your comments, rants and observations at the end of this update. We now have the perfect venue to do a more interactive thing.

Until next week. Outwit, Outplay, Outlast

Pat (aka Randy what the hell was I thinking smacking my head open on the very first night Bailey)

* Note to all Survivor wannabees. If you are ever picked to be on Survivor, please please please remember to wear practical clothing from the instant you touch down in the country in which the series will be filmed. You never know when you will be separated from your luggage and dropped off on some island or in some remote location. After 18 seasons you should know this! Leave the high heeled shoes, the skin tight minidress and the three piece suit in the suitcase. Wear comfy walking shoes. Dress in layers so you have a bigger beach wardrobe to chose from. Most importantly, don't let your mother see you on international tv in your freakin' underwear!