Thursday, November 20, 2008

Survivor Gabon - November 20, 2008

After a week of broken computers and injured knees, its good to sit in the relative safety of my office chair behind a working computer with a nice glass of South African Shiraz. Alas my alter ego was not so fortunate. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Oh this was such a juicy episode. Ooops. Still ahead of myself.


Its night 27 and Charlie has been sent smiling off into the night to be reunited with Marcus on the jury. Randy is thankful that he's still around. Its clear that the balance of power has shifted to Crystal, Ken, Matty and Sugar. Randy and Corinne are still tight though, and know they need to get Matty onside if they want to survive. Meanwhile, Bob shows Sugar the fake idol he created on his last visit to Exile Island. She is thrilled but privately wonders what Bob's strategy is for showing it to her. I must say I was wondering the same thing.


Tree mail arrives promising food at a cost. We wiley Survivor veterans know what that means...a food auction. Sure enough, each Survivor is given $500 with which to bid. They can't pool their money or share their food. Randy starts the bidding by buying a beer. Ken then buys a covered plate which Dimples reveals isn't food at all. Instead Ken has purchased the right to send a tribe mate to Exile Island and take all his money. Ken picks Bob who heads off without having an opportunity to purchase anything. Sugar buys some chocolate chunks buried in peanut butter and Susie buys a hot bath. Randy has finished his beer so he buys some spaghetti, garlic toast and wine. Corinne buys a sealed bottle which Dimples assures her will help her in the next challenge. The final reward goes to Randy who buys a tray of cookies that must be shared with the tribe. The trouble is the tray is one cookie short. Sugar at first refuses one, but ends up taking the last cookie and giving it to Matty, leaving Randy without one. This pisses Randy off and he tells us that Sugar can kiss his ass and that he is going to "turn it up a notch".



On the way back to camp Matty thanks Sugar for the cookie. Randy points out to Matty that he had two cookies while Randy had none. Matty seems genuinely surprised. No doubt, somewhere in the US, one of Matty's high school math teachers is shaking her head in exasperation wondering where she went wrong. Randy isn't blaming Matty though, especially since he and Corinne really need to get Matty into their alliance. There is a plot afoot to oust Randy but Matty is pushing to get Bob out instead. Sugar notes that Matty is suddenly "playing the game". Matty IS playing the game. In fact he has the outcome all figured out. It's Bob, then Randy then Corinne he tells us. Not knowing he is at the top of Matty's hit list, Bob is taking a personal safari on Exile Island. He climbs to the top of a large hill with a spectacular view and decides that his trip to Africa has been worth it, no matter what happens.


On the morning of day 30 Randy bounds out to tell Corinne that he has been awake all night hatching a plan. Those of us who have spent some sleepless nights plotting revenge will know that its often better to catch up on your sleep before you follow through with your plan. Randy has not learned this lesson. He tells Corinne that he is going to "burn down the house". He is going to be obnoxious and make everybody mad. So far it sounds like business as usual for Randy. But wait. There's more. He is going to get everyone so mad at him that they will vote for him at tribal council. But first he is going to get the immunity idol from Bob (after all Bob must have it because Sugar is too dumb, right?). Bob will feel sorry for him and just hand the idol over. Susie will get the second most votes and be sent home and Randy will be supreme ultimate commander of the universe. Geez what could go wrong with a plan like that?



The first part of Randy's plan works flawlessly. He offends everyone. Matty says he is a 49 year old talking like a two year old. Sugar says he is a troll who has to go. The only break in the painful monotony of Randywhining is the immunity challenge. This is kind of a cool challenge where Survivors must carry bags of puzzle pieces over a balance beam. The first two to get their three bags to the other side wins. Winners Matty and Ken are joined by Corinne (this was what she purchased in a sealed bottle at the reward challenge). The three of them must open their bags, take out all the wooden blocks and line them up domino-fashion along a long wooden track with lots of hills and valleys. Once they have the blocks set up satisfactorily they must knock over the first one and make the whole row go down, ultimately releasing a flag for the win. Matty and Corinne's dominoes stop mid-way. But Ken's go all the way and release the flag.


Back at camp, Randy is sure he needs the idol, but he is also sure that he is in total control of the game. Sugar urges Bob to vote against Randy and tells him she is sure Randy will fall for his faux idol. Bob knows the idol is not going to save him in a vote, but it might buy him favours with the other alliance. Bob flashes the idol briefly in Randy's presence, then quickly puts it away. A smug Randy tells him to be careful. Bob offers the idol to Randy and they meet in the forest to make the exchange. By this time I am climbing out of my skin with embarassment for Randy. He is, after all, my guy! But above my protestations Randy proclaims that the idol looks genuine. The hook goes in a little deeper. At Tribal Council, the votes are cast. Instead of the muffled whisper in which most survivors usually explain why they are voting the way they are, Crystal speaks up loud and clear to let it be known she is voting for Randy. It only makes him look more smug. When Dimples (in a plum coloured shirt of all things) asks if anyone has an immunity idol, Randy proudly steps forward with Bob's craft project. The other survivors can hardly contain themselves, and Charlie and Marcus on the jury pick up on it. Everyone is doubled over in laughter as Jeff tells Randy that what he has produced is not an immunity idol. By now the tears are flowing people are laughing so hard. And surprise of surprises, Randy has the majority of the votes. In one of the more bitter departure speeches I've heard, Randy tells us that "being voted out by these bozos is the biggest accolade of all". We don't need to understand it folks. All we need to know is that Randy is gone and so am I. Since no one voted for Randy to win the million, I am the only sad soul tonight.

Until next week,
Outwit, Outplay, Outlast
Pat (aka Randy I can't understand why making them hate me didn't work Bailey)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Survivor Gabon - November 13, 2008

Its night 24. The tribe returns from Tribal Council after sending Marcus to the jury. Ken is happy that he is still around and seems to be developing a taste for power as he proclaims that Bob will be the next to go. Bob agrees, knowing his only hope for survival will come with a merge.


At Fang, things are bleak. There is no rice and no fire. When tree mail arrives in the form of a golf flag and a promise of a cultural trek, the Fangroovians are ecstatic. Corinne is anxious to see Marcus again. Oh oh. Won't she be surprised! And indeed she is, along with all the Fang tribe, when Kota marches in sans Marcus. Jaws are dropping all over the place. But Dimples, in baby blue, doesn't give them time to feel sorry for themselves. He gets them involved in a game of golf, Survivor style. The tribes have a huge sling shot. Three members must support the sling shot while the fourth uses it to shoot a golf ball down a rugged course. The first tribe to get their ball in "the cup" wins the hole and the best two out of three holes wins reward. The sling shot has a nasty kick-back and bodies are tumbling with every shot, but both tribes are amazingly good at Survivorgolf. It comes down to a final shot by Fang who basically have to drop it into the hole (which has a circumference of about 3 feet). However Matty and Randy have a power struggle about how that is going to be accomplished. Randy is nasty, Matty is persistent and Charlie is...well...really really gay. But they sink the shot and head off to their reward, a visit in a Gabonese village with the requisite dancing and feasting. A long suffering Matty enjoys his first reward while Charle laments the loss of Marcus. "He did a lot of thinking for us", mourns Charlie. Meanwhile Bob, who Fang has chosen to go to Exile Island, forgoes the pleasures of the island to look for the idol. He follows the same trail as Sugar but soon finds - absolutely nothing. Because, as we all know, the hidden idol train has already left the station and headed into Sugar's backpack.


On Day 26 we see Ken out for a spin in the tribe's outrigger canoe. As you know, an outrigger has a stabilizer on one side. Ken has his stabilizer stuck in the sand and can only travel in circles. It's pretty funny. But Ken is unfazed. He is the only man left at camp and has just caught three fine fish to feed his beautiful women (that would be Crystal and Susie). He is on top of the world and fairly oozing testosterone.


The next day tree mail arrives with a promise of a firestarting challenge. Turns out the challenge is for individual immunity and the long awaited merge is finally happening. The challenge is simple - be the first to build a fire high enough to burn through a rope. Surprise of surprises, Susie gets a fire going almost immediately and wins the challenge. Her only competitor is Sugar. There is a collective "What the.." from the men but it matters not. Susie puts on the comely immunity idol and is safe for the time being. The merged tribe returns to the Fang camp where food awaits. On the way to camp Randy vows that either he or Crystal is going because he won't go back to camp with her.


Food or not, it doesn't take long for the festivities to give way to plotting. Sugar has become the swing vote. Corinne comes to her to try to persuade her to vote for Crystal. But the old Fang people led by Ken want her to vote for Charlie. Sugar would really like Randy gone but graciously agrees with everyone, leading everyone to believe her gullible. But privately she tells us she trusts no one and is not sure how she will vote. At Tribal Council Crystal calls Randy out and asks what she has done to offend him. Randy is only too happy to oblige by telling her. Once both have vented the votes are cast and it turns out that Charlie is the one going home. Now there has possibly never been such a happy Survivor castoff as Charlie since he gets to rejoin his beloved Marcus on the jury (and for now its just the two of them - hubba hubba). With Charlie goes our own Survivor pool member Jan. Donna had picked Charlie to be the ultimate winner so you can kiss your secret prize goodbye, Donna. So can Rick and Lisa who picked Marcus to win (sorry I missed dissin' you last week).

And so until next week,
Outwit, Outplay, Outlast
Pat (aka Randy just drop the &*%$ ball in the &*%$ hole Bailey)

Monday, November 10, 2008

Survivor Gabon - November 6, 2008

I was away but thanks to Lynn for updating us on the Survivor Skullduggery for the week..

After the Kota tribal council, tribe members strategize about a possible merge. The Kota 6 will dominate - Corinne, Randy, Marcus, Susie, Bob and Charlie. Fang will be easy pickings. There's just one Spanish fly in the ointment - Susie. She gets called out because of her bold declaration that Corinne is the weakest member of the tribe. Kota is concerned that Susie will flip come the merge. Susie assures them she's going with the program, while secretly telling the camera she has all the power in the game. Those are some good drugs she's on. Over at Fang, Matty is still blown away by Ace's departure. He is praying for a merge. When Tree Mail arrives, Survivors learn they are going to have a beach bash. Oh, it's the merge, oh it's the merge! We are so happy, we are so happy! Indeed there is a mergeiful feast waiting on the beach for them. Food, beer and wine in abundance. Survivors are cautioned not to open the ominous looking box until they're done partying. While they're inhaling their food, Kenny spots a piece of paper sticking out from underneath the box. He trys to surreptitiously read the writing. It's directions to find another immunity idol. You can almost see Kenny's heart start to pump faster. However, Charlie catches him in the act and demands to know what's on the paper. He gives it up to Charlie who throws it out for the whole crew to read. Marcus suggests they find and throw the idol away to make it fair to everyone. Randy takes charge (the self-declared King Randy) and leads the hunt for the idol. Once found, King Randy and Prince Marcus send the idol to a floating grave. (Let's pause a moment here to remember our own Billy the Idol who met a tragic fate several seasons ago at the hands of our own Rick Minett. Rumour has it Rick burned Billy alive in the fireplace - oh the horror!!!). But back to the beach. All boozed up and pretty darn happy with themselves, the King and Prince stand by as the box is opened. Survivors are instructed to each take a numbered rock from a bag without looking at the number. Oh dear, it's not a merge. It's two new tribes. Kota continues their incredible streak of luck by ending up with 3 members and a majority on each tribe. The Kota 6 is unbroken. The new Kota tribe is Bob, Marcus, Crystal, Kenny and Susie. Fang is Matty, Sugar, Randy, Corinne and Charlie. At camp Matty pulls Sugar aside and tells her that Ace had her back. Sugar is devastated that she voted Ace out. We are going to chip in some money from our Survivor pool and get Sugar a T-shirt that says "I believe!". Cos she believed Ace when he told her that it was the two of them together forever, she believed Kenny when he said Ace was moving against her, and she believes Matty when he says Kenny was totally lying to her. She switches sides faster than the speed of light. Before the immunity challenge, the former Kota members on Fang discuss throwing the competition so they can vote Matty off. They figure it's a win win situation because they're rid of the strongest player from Fang and Marcus is safe from Tribal Council at Kota. At the challenge, each tribe member was required to balance a pole on the top of each hand. Resting across the top of the two poles was a board. Tribe members had to keep their board balanced. Guess who was the first one out?? C'mon, you can do it. She owns a piece of gold hardware that athletes around the world strive for. Yes, the Olympic gold medalist was out first. She lasted for 1 second. Enough said. Survivors from both tribes continued to drop their poles which brings us to a slight snag in Fang's plans. They forgot to tell Matty their tribe was supposed to throw the competition so they could vote him out. A slightly deranged Matty ended up in a showdown with Bob. Our Dimples thought Matty's hooting at Bob would be his demise, but Matty managed to hang on to win immunity for Fang. (Note to Crystal - Bob is the oldest member on Survivor and I don't think he's ever won any gold medals. Oh and by the way, Susie beat you too!!). Back at Kota, the Kota 6 members are still feeling confident. Marcus has discovered that Crystal is the cousin of one of his best friends so it would be ungentlemanlike to vote her out first therefore Kenny must go. Susie talks to Marcus and assures him she's sticking with him because he's taking her to the Final 3 - right?? Sure, sure, says Marcus in not so many words. Well really no words because he has no intention of taking Susie anywhere. Marcus tells his new best friend Crystal that he is going to keep her. She will be the newest member of the Kota 6. They'll start with Kenny this week and Susie gets chopped the next week. Not so fast says Crystal. Kenny is my boy. While the men cook dinner, Crystal cozies up to Susie in the tent for some girl talk. Susie assures Crystal that Marcus is taking her to the Final 3. Crystal starts dealing out a reality check to Susie. Was it successful? At Tribal Council, Kenny seems somewhat bitter barking at Marcus about his smugness. When Bob casts his vote for Kenny, he tells the camera that he hopes Kenny feels better after getting that off his chest. Marcus & Bob chuckle as Kenny's vote for MarcAce comes up. Poor deluded Kenny. The votes continue - Kenny, Kenny, Marcus (whoops that smile just slipped a little) and one more Marcus to seal the delectable doctor's fate. Bet he wishes he didn't murder the helpless idol now. With Marcus goes Selina Makofsky and if you got to go Selina, it might as well be with a hot doctor. Until next time,Lynn (aka Gillian - I had to look up her name it's been so long - Larson) P.S. Is it just me or is Matty starting to bear an uncanny resemblence to Leonardo Di Caprio in Blood Diamond??